Former Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal has announced plans to make a return to management two years on from being dismissed from the Old Trafford hot-seat.
The Dutchman, despite claiming the FA Cup, was relieved of his duties at Man United in May 2016 following a season hallmarked by lifeless, inexplicably turgid football.
He has since declared that a return to management was unlikely, noting that he would only entertain an offer from a big English club due to the “unfinished business” he has with United.
“I most likely won’t coach any club again,” he said in Decemeber. “But if I do, it has to be a large English club, because I have unfinished business with Manchester United.”
Speaking on German TV ahead of Bayern Munich’s 2-1 loss to Real Madrid on Wednesday night, Van Gaal revealed that, among a number of offers, one has come his way that he simply cannot refuse.
“I still get a lot of offers,” he said. “I have now received an offer that I actually can not refuse. But if I do not have a club in July, August, you can assume that I’m retired. No, I can’t share any more than this.”
Surely not. Surely it can’t happen. Van Gaal, all cantankerous and bedraggled and enamoured with an outdated playing style, surely isn’t going to be the man to follow Arsene Wenger, one of the great modern football pioneers, at Arsenal next season. It would just be too good to be true.
Perhaps he would, like during that second season at Old Trafford, help to tighten up the defence, provide a semblance of structure. But it is at the other end, where Arsenal can at times be so crisp and fluid, where the hilariousness begins.
Any iota of penetration, speed or attacking ambition to Arsenal’s play will, bit by bit, find it transformed into a sordid monstrosity, an endless stream of nothing first half performances, of a manager who thinks having the ball is tantamount with attacking.
It would be a grievous assault on DNA of Arsenal as a club; it would also be absolutely hilarious.