Louis van Gaal has noted that he would only return to management in order to “get one over” on Manchester United after being sacked by the club in 2016.
The Dutchman was dismissed soon after winning the FA Cup following a season hallmarked by turgid football and a failure to reach the Champions League.
And the 66-year-old, speaking in another interview, noted that he would only return to management in order to get revenge on his former employers.
“I will probably not manage a club anymore,” he said.
“I would make one exception – if a big English club comes for me, then I would do it. Because then I can get the chance to get one over on Manchester United.”
I don’t even know where to start with this one.
Van Gaal, the man who oversaw United’s worst ever goal output in Premier League history, came out of the woodwork soon after the derby to call Mourinho ‘boring’ and, perhaps worse, his own style ‘attacking’, and now wants to somehow prove this notion in a grudge match that only he really wants or indeed cares about. Not to convince us, you sense, but rather himself that his skewed, unitary, stylistically destitute, tactically authoritarian methods somehow still work.
The most painful – yet hardly surprising – aspect of this quote is that he isn’t even hiding that he would only return to management to salvage his ego.
But the rest of the world would be glad to consign this Frankenstein-esque, genuinely deluded man whose heyday dates back to the 1990s to the annals of history. Any supporter who went through the 2015/16 campaign will tell you that football at Old Trafford – one of the few constants in our lives – became actively unenjoyable under his miserable tenure. It wasn’t even that fun for rival fans to mock – that’s how bad it was.
Somebody needs to find this poor man a retirement home before he starts egging Old Trafford in his nothing but his briefs, shouting “PHILOSCHOPHY, MY PHILOSCHOPHY, DAMN YOU ED WOODWARD!” over and over again.